Indescribable
by Mystearica
Summary: Kaito was supposed to be my older brother, right? Then .. why couldn't I see him like that?


"_Good morning! A-Ah, my name is Hatsune Miku! It is good to meet you!"_

"_Well? Go on, meet your siblings, Miku." _

"_Yes! Oh, hello!" _

"_Meiko. Kaito. This is Miku. She's your little sister." _

"_A little sister? I'm not the youngest anymore, Creator-sama?!" _

_A chuckle. _

"_No, Kaito. You aren't. And there will be more! Soon, you will have lots of brothers and sisters." _

"_A family, eh?" _

"_Family ..?" _

I was only freshly created, turned on, bugs and kinks all worked out, when I met my predecessors. There were two of them; I was told they were my family. My elder brother and sister. They welcomed me with open arms; they were excited to have me as part of the family. They were ecstatic. An addition to the family? It was something to be celebrated.

And celebrate, we did. Meiko-oneechan got herself drunk that night. There was cake, balloons, karaoke, oh, lots and lots of karaoke. I got to know my 'elder siblings' that night, and I got to know them better in the coming days. If I may speak honestly … it was one of the happiest moments of my life. To be accepted as part of a _family_ … it was so, so … so _exciting_!

I may not have been alive for long, at that point. In fact, I was only a few hours old. I may not have been the brightest of the bunch, as I was made to be the sweet, naïve, innocent young teenager. But what I did know was that family was important.

We celebrated my arrival that night … we celebrated the arrival of the two siblings we adopted, HakuHaku and NeruNaru. And when our little twin siblings, RinRin and LenLen, were created, we celebrated their arrival in the same fashion. The tradition carried; we celebrated the arrivals of GakuGaku, and LukaLuka, and when MeguMegu is finished and turned on? I have no doubt in my mind that we will celebrate her arrival in the same way.

"_Oniichan! Look! We got a new road roller!" _

"_OH KAMI-SAMA, RIN! LEN! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!"_

"_But it's so much fun!" _

"_SOMEONE, HELP! THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!"_

"_Serves you right, Kaito! You spent grocery money on your ice cream! GO GET 'IM, TWINS!" _

"_A-Ah, Len! Rin! Stop chasing Kaito this instant!" _

"_Haku, just let them be. It's not like we can't fix Kaito afterward, right? Besides. He spent grocery money. On __**ice cream**__." _

"_Ah .. well, I was just … I mean .." _

"_Ahahaha~ Well, there's never a dull moment here, is there, Luka-chan?" _

"_Hn." _

"_Ne … Is Kaito going to be all right?" _

"_Isn't he always all right, Miku?"_

"_I …" _

As time passed, I seemed to grow specific attachments to my family. We were a large family … quite dysfunctional, but more fun than … than … well, at times, more fun than singing! I loved performing alongside my family, more than I enjoyed performing solo, which was something I did often. I'd become quite popular, after all .. and, an unfortunate side effect of being popular was that I was called to perform solo quite often. I loved the time I could spend with my family, and treasured it, no matter how insane it always was.

I always enjoyed the time spent with Kaito the most, though. He was .. I'm never quite sure how to describe it. He was always so warm, so welcoming, so willing to give me the time of day. Well, most of my family was, but with Kaito, it was .. I don't know. _Different_. Being around him made me feel so … so _happy_. Happier than I think I'd ever been. It was such an amazing feeling … but it was a feeling that I didn't have around anyone else. It confused me. I couldn't understand …

I began to call my younger siblings by their names … twice. LenLen and RinRin, HakuHaku, NeruNeru, GakuGaku, LukaLuka. It was something that, in my mind, I was entitled to do as an older sister. Meiko-oneechan and Kaito, however, came before me. I respected all of my family, of course, but because Meiko-oneechan and Kaito were older and wiser … they commanded a lot more respect.

Meiko, naturally, was Meiko-oneechan.

Kaito …

I could never seem to call him 'oniichan.' I envied the twins at times, really, for being able to call him 'oniichan' so easily. The fact that it never felt right for me to call Kaito 'big brother' confused me. Kaito was supposed to be my big brother, wasn't he? So then … why? Why couldn't I call hi, that? Why couldn't I ever associate that term with Kaito?

"_Oneechan, Ah .." _

"_Miku-chan?" _

"_Can .. we talk?" _

"_Yes, of course. Come here, sit next to me. What's on your mind, little sister?" _

_Silence. _

"_You're fidgeting." A laugh. "This doesn't tell me much, Miku-chan." _

"_I-I know! I just .. ah .. I don't know how to explain." _

"_Ah? Well .. do your best. I can wait." _

"_Um … Kaito .. is supposed to be .. our big brother, isn't he?" _

"_Yes. Well, your big brother. My little one." _

"_Yes, of course … ah. I .. can't .. seem to think of him as a big brother, oneechan." _

"_Ah? Then what do you think of him as?" _

"… _I don't know." _

_Silence. _

"… _Miku-chan, don't let this bother you. It's okay, right? You'll figure it out." _

"_I .. I feel … different. Around Kaito." _

"_Aha …" _

It disturbed me. It confused me. It made me feel so .. so _frustrated!_ Why was Kaito so different? Why was he so funny, and kind, and sweet, and why did he make me feel so .. so warm? So _happy_? Oneechan couldn't tell me … I didn't know if anyone else could.

So I hid it. After I talked with Oneechan .. I hid my problem. I continued to smile. I acted as if nothing in the world could bother me … and nothing _could_, right? Not even … the fact that I couldn't figure out what Kaito was to me. Right. Not even that.

After all … Kaito is supposed to be my big brother, isn't he?

… Right? He is, right?

Then …

Why .. doesn't he feel like a big brother?

What is he? Why can't I …

I …

Why can't I say … how I feel?

So confusing … I can't …

It …

"_Ah, um. M-Miku …" _

"_Waiii! Kaito! Hello! How are you today?"_

"_Good .. I-I'm good." _

_A giggle. _

"_Would you .. um. Join me for some ice cream?" _

"_Nn?" _

_A pause. _

"_Of course! I would love to!" _

"_Great! Then .. yes, let's go!" _

_I … _

_Why can't I … _

… _Why is this feeling so .. _


End file.
